Review for AnguiSH by Lila Felix

Synopsis from Goodreads:

“Anguish was the status quo, until she walked in.

Breaker James Collins is confined in a prison of his own making. Scarred doesn’t begin to define his hell since finding out his girlfriend had cheated, stolen, and lied two years ago. It led to a single event—one that would blacken his days and his nights from then on. Since then, he hasn’t left his house, crippled by fear of people and any social interaction.

Ashland talks too much and has the voice of a meth-laden prairie dog, or so

she’s always been told. She’s been called annoying and irritating all of her life and gave up on having friends for a long time. College has given her a new lease on a social life and she’s embraced who she is. But now she’s waiting for the one guy who can take her breath away and put up with her antics.

A simple note pinned to a corkboard will lead Ash right to Breaker’s solitary world and she will learn that just because a guy doesn’t fit her ideal, doesn’t mean she won’t fall head over feet in love.”

Ariana’s review:
4.5 Stars!!!

I first heard of this book through another blog who posted  that anyone who suffers from panic attacks HAD to read this book. Being that I get frequent panic attacks, I decided to bump this up to the top of my TBR list. I was a little unsure of how I felt about this book when I first started reading it. In the beginning, the writing seemed a little “basic” for a lack of a better description. But the further I read, the more I realized that my first impression was wrong! As you read, you cannot help but fall in love with the two main characters, Ashland and Breaker. Breaker is a boy who has had his heart ripped out of his chest, and then stomped on. He walked in on his girlfriend having sex with another man at a party, and thus triggered the beginning of his anxiety and panic attacks, causing him to become socially inept. Since that night, Breaker has spent 2 years holed up in his house alone. He is unable to go out in public, and can barely bring himself to talk to anyone other than his therapist and family. Enter Ashland, a college student who hasn’t had the best of luck in the friend and boyfriend department in the past, but whom has a heart of gold. Ashland’s father owns a commercial cleaning business, so when she comes across a “help wanted ad” for a live in maid, she feels it is the perfect opportunity for her. She finds out that not only is this a job to keep the house clean for an amazingly hot guy, but its also for her to try and help him break out of this brick wall he has put around himself. This is when her and Breaker meet.

            The chemistry between Breaker and Ashland is instant however, Breaker’s past, along with his present, causes him to try and push those feelings back which causes an emotional rollercoaster of up’s and down’s between the two of them in the beginning. One minute he’s hot, the next minute he’s cold, which drives Ashland crazy…what girl wouldn’t go out of her mind dealing with that??? At one point he finally pushes away too far and Ashland decides to go on a date with the guy who has been crushing on her from the coffee shop. Needless to say, the date did not go well, and upon returning back to the house, she finds Breaker sitting on the couch waiting.

““Did he tell you how beautiful you look tonight? Did he tell you that this red,” he worked a piece of my shirt between his thumb and his finger “really sets off your eyes? Did he hold your hand? Did he bring you to the door and make you wish you were the kind of girl that would invite him in?”… “I wish you’d been there with me tonight. I would’ve made sure you knew how beautiful you are.””

            ::Sigh:: and that was the first time that Breaker made me completely swoon. It was also the turning point in their relationship. 

“I pressed my lips to her warm salty skin and let them linger there. I felt as her hands clasped the front of my shirt and she gasped.”

            The rest of the book isn’t simply just your typical sweet romance story. While it did have some unbelievably sweet and romantic parts (actually, quite a few), it also focused on Breaker’s anxiety of the outside world, and the panic attacks that he would get as he tried to push out of his comfort zone. This is where I can completely relate to his character. The way the author went on to describe the way his mind and body reacted during one of these panic attacks really hit me hard. As I was reading, all I could think was “this is exactly what happens to me when I get these attacks”, and it definitely stirred up a bunch of emotions inside me. My heart would break for his character over and over throughout the story. I know how hard it is to get yourself to leave your comfort zone when you suffer from this level of anxiety. In reality, it is very difficult for someone who has not personally experienced going through a panic attack to understand what it is like, or how to help someone who is in the midst of having one. Lila Felix did a wonderful job putting into words what most cannot, and really made it so that people could understand what it is like for those of us who go through this day to day…that all it takes is one event, one attack, to cause a life long struggle.

“Drums beat in my ears, a creature clawed to get out of the confines of my chest, organs somersaulted, menacing salty waves clanged against my eyelids. The density of the air changed and I sucked in molasses instead of air into my lungs…”

            I do not want to go into detail with the rest of the story as it would spoil it for those of you who have not yet read it, but let me just say that the story of Ashland and Breaker is not one you want to miss!!!! 


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