Title: Ugly
Author: Margaret McHeyzer
Genre: YA/NA
Release Date: October 26, 2015
Blurb
If I were dead, I wouldn't be able to see.
If I were dead, I wouldn't be able to feel.
If I were dead, he'd never raise his hand to me again.
If I were dead, his words wouldn't cut as deep as they do.
If I were dead, I'd be beautiful and I wouldn't be so...ugly.
I'm not dead...but I wish I was.
I was nervous to read this. I was both mentally and physically abused so I went into this book with my guard up. I fell in love with Margaret when I read her book A Life Less Broken and Allyn she's still one of my all time favorites. But, Ugly wow!!! It's a YA book and very dark on top of that. This is a must read.
Lily lives with her father.Her mother passed away. Her father is an unbelievably cruel, evil, violent, drunk ugly piece of crap. There I said it! He had no love for his daughter. And, unlike most stories they change after they loose the wife or husband depending on the story. But, not this one. All Lily knows is her parents telling her she is useless worthless dumb stupid and ugly. They've told her multiple times to just die.
Lily has grown up staying under the radar at home as well as in school. The only people who pay any attention to her are the few ladies at the thrift store. They have given her a few clothes that actually fit her and are not holey. They've also given her food to eat. Yes, food and clothes are things her father doesn't buy her. Lily doesn't think her live can get better. That is until she met him.
Trent. Lily meets Trent at the bus stop. Trent is nice. He's also very patient with Lily. he tells her she's pretty and brings her a flower. At first I was all like "YES!! Finally, a Prince for Lily" but I got smacked very quickly. Trent has a very jealous streak. He goes ape shit over a waiter looking at Lily. But, Trent is too quick to play it off. When things got bad for Lily at home it was Trent who was there to come and get her out and move her in with him and his parents. Her savior....
Years later Lily and Trent are married. They're living in a small apartment. Lily was working and going to college on a full scholarship until Trent convinced her it be best for her to quit school and really work while he goes to school to be a Dr. He's also taken over their finance's. Lily has enough money to take the bus back and forth to her job at the supermarket.
Lily has finally made a friend. Shayne. I loved her. There was so many times that Shayne tried getting Lily to open up to her. She knew something wasn't right with Lily and Trent. Lily was extremely extremely skinny. Yet, would call herself fat. Shayne always let Lily know she'd be there for her.
Lily goes to eat lunch one afternoon and sees a guy. A hot guy! They don't speak but something passes between them. When he opens the door for a lady she was taken back by how nice he was to a complete stranger. She doesn't realize then that it's not the last time she'll see him.
After years of torture from Trent he'd gotten to an all time low. Lily for the first time in her entire life stands up for herself and leaves. Lily goes to Shayne and Liam's house. They been going out since they worked together at the supermarket. The hot guy she saw he actually works at a hospital. His name is Max and he stutters from years of abuse when he was younger.Lily and Max become very very good friends. Even though Max has feelings for Lily he'll wait forever for her until she's ready. Lily is really liking Max but she's damaged.
Lily's whole life she been talked and treated like she's below trash. But, her life has started to change. Her 2 bosses Peter and Dale are doing everything to help her. These guys go above and beyond to help her. Max, Shayne and Liam are also helping Lily with everything they can. For the first time in Lily's life where she has friends who are her family. But, it wasn't easy and won't be for awhile.
I cried so many times reading this! Margaret definitely did her homework on people who've been mentally and physically abused. When you're mentally abused you are brainwashed to not only think things. But, to believe them. Lily swore she was ugly, fat, stupid on top of other stuff. It doesn't go away easily if ever. It'll pop up in your head all the time. Margaret hit every nail on the head. It's a total dark ugly-cry read. But, Lily gets the ending the that she truly truly deserves. Lily is going to stick with me for a long time. Margaret is one of my favorites. Can't wait to read her next book.
I'm not dead...but I wish I was.
✯✯5 Beautifully Ugly Stars!!!✯✯
I was nervous to read this. I was both mentally and physically abused so I went into this book with my guard up. I fell in love with Margaret when I read her book A Life Less Broken and Allyn she's still one of my all time favorites. But, Ugly wow!!! It's a YA book and very dark on top of that. This is a must read.
Lily lives with her father.Her mother passed away. Her father is an unbelievably cruel, evil, violent, drunk ugly piece of crap. There I said it! He had no love for his daughter. And, unlike most stories they change after they loose the wife or husband depending on the story. But, not this one. All Lily knows is her parents telling her she is useless worthless dumb stupid and ugly. They've told her multiple times to just die.
Lily has grown up staying under the radar at home as well as in school. The only people who pay any attention to her are the few ladies at the thrift store. They have given her a few clothes that actually fit her and are not holey. They've also given her food to eat. Yes, food and clothes are things her father doesn't buy her. Lily doesn't think her live can get better. That is until she met him.
Trent. Lily meets Trent at the bus stop. Trent is nice. He's also very patient with Lily. he tells her she's pretty and brings her a flower. At first I was all like "YES!! Finally, a Prince for Lily" but I got smacked very quickly. Trent has a very jealous streak. He goes ape shit over a waiter looking at Lily. But, Trent is too quick to play it off. When things got bad for Lily at home it was Trent who was there to come and get her out and move her in with him and his parents. Her savior....
Years later Lily and Trent are married. They're living in a small apartment. Lily was working and going to college on a full scholarship until Trent convinced her it be best for her to quit school and really work while he goes to school to be a Dr. He's also taken over their finance's. Lily has enough money to take the bus back and forth to her job at the supermarket.
Lily has finally made a friend. Shayne. I loved her. There was so many times that Shayne tried getting Lily to open up to her. She knew something wasn't right with Lily and Trent. Lily was extremely extremely skinny. Yet, would call herself fat. Shayne always let Lily know she'd be there for her.
Lily goes to eat lunch one afternoon and sees a guy. A hot guy! They don't speak but something passes between them. When he opens the door for a lady she was taken back by how nice he was to a complete stranger. She doesn't realize then that it's not the last time she'll see him.
After years of torture from Trent he'd gotten to an all time low. Lily for the first time in her entire life stands up for herself and leaves. Lily goes to Shayne and Liam's house. They been going out since they worked together at the supermarket. The hot guy she saw he actually works at a hospital. His name is Max and he stutters from years of abuse when he was younger.Lily and Max become very very good friends. Even though Max has feelings for Lily he'll wait forever for her until she's ready. Lily is really liking Max but she's damaged.
Lily's whole life she been talked and treated like she's below trash. But, her life has started to change. Her 2 bosses Peter and Dale are doing everything to help her. These guys go above and beyond to help her. Max, Shayne and Liam are also helping Lily with everything they can. For the first time in Lily's life where she has friends who are her family. But, it wasn't easy and won't be for awhile.
I cried so many times reading this! Margaret definitely did her homework on people who've been mentally and physically abused. When you're mentally abused you are brainwashed to not only think things. But, to believe them. Lily swore she was ugly, fat, stupid on top of other stuff. It doesn't go away easily if ever. It'll pop up in your head all the time. Margaret hit every nail on the head. It's a total dark ugly-cry read. But, Lily gets the ending the that she truly truly deserves. Lily is going to stick with me for a long time. Margaret is one of my favorites. Can't wait to read her next book.
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Trailer
Prologue
It’s days like today I wish I was dead.
“Lily Anderson, you get your ugly ass out here right this minute. Don’t make me come after you,” Daddy screams.
He’s so angry. I knew the moment I heard him come home from work I was in for it. I was in my bedroom, lying on the floor trying to do my math. He slammed the front door so hard the windows in my room shook.
And then I knew, I knew I was in for it.
“Lily Anderson!” he yells again.
As soon as I heard him yell I ran to my hiding spot. I’m inside the closet in the hallway, wedged as far into the corner as I can get. Mom’s old coat hangs in front of me and I can still smell a faint waft of the perfume she used to wear.
“Lily Anderson!” he shouts. I can hear the anger in his voice and I can already feel the pain he’s going to inflict on me when he opens the closet door. I know what’s coming.
I close my eyes tight, scrunching them up so no light can seep through. I put my hands over my ears so I can’t hear him.
“I swear to God; if I have to find you, you will not sit for a month.”
My knees are folded into my chest. I’m trying to make myself small, invisible, so he forgets I’m here. I’m rocking myself, trying to block out what he’s saying.
School is safe. School is safe. School is safe. I keep repeating the mantra because in a few short hours I’ll be back at school. Maybe tomorrow I can go to the library after school, stay there until it closes and then sneak in after Dad’s passed out, because he’s had too much to drink.
It was never like this before. Ever.
I’m twelve years old and I can remember when Mom, Dad, and I were all happy. But that was years ago. It’s been a long time since there’s been any happiness in this house.
Well, before Mom died anyway, and not a day since.
Mom died when I was nine. I don’t remember much about her, except I remember her telling me how ugly I am. How life would be better if I was taken away from them. How I’ll never be anything, because I’m stupid and ugly.
Sometimes I dream happy things. Like me, Mom, Dad and a little blond-haired boy all going for a picnic. The sun beamed down on us as we played outside and laughed. We’d eat yummy sandwiches Mom made for us, and we’d drink homemade lemonade. We’d spend hours outside, laughing and talking and just having fun. Mom would tell me how pretty I am, and how much she loved me. She would play with my hair, braid it, and then we’d go and pick bright flowers to take home and put in a vase. Dad would smile and call us “his girls”, always kissing Mom and hugging me. Dad would put the little boy on his shoulders and run around the park, trying to catch the clouds.
I love those dreams, and I hold onto them; wishing they were real. But I’ve never had a mom like that, and my dad doesn’t talk much unless it’s with his fists, or to tell me how ugly and useless I am.
I feel him walking around the house. The floorboards creak and the vibrations from his footsteps come through the floor to where my bottom is. I close my eyes tighter and try and breathe as quietly as I can.
Please go away, Daddy. Please go away.
My heart is beating so fast. My hands are shaking and I’m trying really hard not to think about what’s going to happen the minute he opens the closet door.
Shhh, it’s so quiet. The only sound is my heart thrumming in my ears. Nothing else. Not a whisper, not a rattle…nothing.
Maybe Daddy’s left. Maybe he’s gone to the pub to have a few drinks. Maybe, just maybe, he’s left...forever.
I take a deep breath and just relax for a moment. My shoulders drop and I finally stop rocking.
Slowly I take my hands down from my ears, and I’m so happy because I can’t hear him yelling at me. I can’t hear him at all.
Gradually, I begin to unscrunch my eyes from the way I’ve tightly closed them. But something’s not right. There’s light coming into the closet.
I don’t even get a chance to open them fully before a rough hand reaches in, latches onto my ponytail and yanks.
“I told you it’d be worse for you if I had to find you,” Dad says, as he drags me out of the closet by my hair.
I’m desperately trying to hold onto my head so he doesn’t rip my hair out. My feet are trying to find traction on the dirty floorboards.
“Please, Daddy. Please. You’re hurting me,” I begin sobbing as I plead with him.
“Then your ugly ass should’ve come when I called you, you stupid bitch. You’re fucking worthless, you ugly idiot,” he says. But now his voice is calm as he continues to drag me toward the family room.
That’s when he’s most scary. When his voice is low and his eyes are filled with hate.
He throws me against the side of the sofa and takes a step back to look at me.
I look up and can see he’s the angriest I’ve ever seen him. “You dumb, ugly piece of shit,” he says, as he paces back and forth in front of me.
“Sorry, Daddy. Whatever I did, I’m so sorry.” I cower into myself, trying to make myself as small as possible.
“You’re just too fucking stupid, aren’t you?” he spits toward me as he brings his hand up to scratch at his chin.
“I’m sorry,” I say again. Tears are falling hot and fast down my cheeks. My head hurts from where he was pulling my hair, but I don’t dare try to rub the spot.
“You ugly fuck.” He kicks a boot into my leg.
The pain is instant and my leg feels like it’s shattered. “Please, Daddy,” I beg again, burying my face into my hands.
But ‘please’ never seems to work.
Nothing does.
“Lily Anderson, you get your ugly ass out here right this minute. Don’t make me come after you,” Daddy screams.
He’s so angry. I knew the moment I heard him come home from work I was in for it. I was in my bedroom, lying on the floor trying to do my math. He slammed the front door so hard the windows in my room shook.
And then I knew, I knew I was in for it.
“Lily Anderson!” he yells again.
As soon as I heard him yell I ran to my hiding spot. I’m inside the closet in the hallway, wedged as far into the corner as I can get. Mom’s old coat hangs in front of me and I can still smell a faint waft of the perfume she used to wear.
“Lily Anderson!” he shouts. I can hear the anger in his voice and I can already feel the pain he’s going to inflict on me when he opens the closet door. I know what’s coming.
I close my eyes tight, scrunching them up so no light can seep through. I put my hands over my ears so I can’t hear him.
“I swear to God; if I have to find you, you will not sit for a month.”
My knees are folded into my chest. I’m trying to make myself small, invisible, so he forgets I’m here. I’m rocking myself, trying to block out what he’s saying.
School is safe. School is safe. School is safe. I keep repeating the mantra because in a few short hours I’ll be back at school. Maybe tomorrow I can go to the library after school, stay there until it closes and then sneak in after Dad’s passed out, because he’s had too much to drink.
It was never like this before. Ever.
I’m twelve years old and I can remember when Mom, Dad, and I were all happy. But that was years ago. It’s been a long time since there’s been any happiness in this house.
Well, before Mom died anyway, and not a day since.
Mom died when I was nine. I don’t remember much about her, except I remember her telling me how ugly I am. How life would be better if I was taken away from them. How I’ll never be anything, because I’m stupid and ugly.
Sometimes I dream happy things. Like me, Mom, Dad and a little blond-haired boy all going for a picnic. The sun beamed down on us as we played outside and laughed. We’d eat yummy sandwiches Mom made for us, and we’d drink homemade lemonade. We’d spend hours outside, laughing and talking and just having fun. Mom would tell me how pretty I am, and how much she loved me. She would play with my hair, braid it, and then we’d go and pick bright flowers to take home and put in a vase. Dad would smile and call us “his girls”, always kissing Mom and hugging me. Dad would put the little boy on his shoulders and run around the park, trying to catch the clouds.
I love those dreams, and I hold onto them; wishing they were real. But I’ve never had a mom like that, and my dad doesn’t talk much unless it’s with his fists, or to tell me how ugly and useless I am.
I feel him walking around the house. The floorboards creak and the vibrations from his footsteps come through the floor to where my bottom is. I close my eyes tighter and try and breathe as quietly as I can.
Please go away, Daddy. Please go away.
My heart is beating so fast. My hands are shaking and I’m trying really hard not to think about what’s going to happen the minute he opens the closet door.
Shhh, it’s so quiet. The only sound is my heart thrumming in my ears. Nothing else. Not a whisper, not a rattle…nothing.
Maybe Daddy’s left. Maybe he’s gone to the pub to have a few drinks. Maybe, just maybe, he’s left...forever.
I take a deep breath and just relax for a moment. My shoulders drop and I finally stop rocking.
Slowly I take my hands down from my ears, and I’m so happy because I can’t hear him yelling at me. I can’t hear him at all.
Gradually, I begin to unscrunch my eyes from the way I’ve tightly closed them. But something’s not right. There’s light coming into the closet.
I don’t even get a chance to open them fully before a rough hand reaches in, latches onto my ponytail and yanks.
“I told you it’d be worse for you if I had to find you,” Dad says, as he drags me out of the closet by my hair.
I’m desperately trying to hold onto my head so he doesn’t rip my hair out. My feet are trying to find traction on the dirty floorboards.
“Please, Daddy. Please. You’re hurting me,” I begin sobbing as I plead with him.
“Then your ugly ass should’ve come when I called you, you stupid bitch. You’re fucking worthless, you ugly idiot,” he says. But now his voice is calm as he continues to drag me toward the family room.
That’s when he’s most scary. When his voice is low and his eyes are filled with hate.
He throws me against the side of the sofa and takes a step back to look at me.
I look up and can see he’s the angriest I’ve ever seen him. “You dumb, ugly piece of shit,” he says, as he paces back and forth in front of me.
“Sorry, Daddy. Whatever I did, I’m so sorry.” I cower into myself, trying to make myself as small as possible.
“You’re just too fucking stupid, aren’t you?” he spits toward me as he brings his hand up to scratch at his chin.
“I’m sorry,” I say again. Tears are falling hot and fast down my cheeks. My head hurts from where he was pulling my hair, but I don’t dare try to rub the spot.
“You ugly fuck.” He kicks a boot into my leg.
The pain is instant and my leg feels like it’s shattered. “Please, Daddy,” I beg again, burying my face into my hands.
But ‘please’ never seems to work.
Nothing does.
I’ve just got to take the beatings, because that’s what stupid, ugly girls do.
Author Bio
Possibly it's the fact there are 26 letters in the English alphabet, and they can create something so beautiful or so empowering they're capable to change our lives.
How important is it that we break suit and stretch our minds?
I like to think of myself as 'unique'. My stories aren't for everyone, and sometimes I may push what you believe to be 'normal'.
Normal is subjective.
I prefer to be known as a person who's never been 'bound by custom' but is 'unique by choice'.
I hope you do read and enjoy my stories.
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